Emotional intelligence or toxic positivity: which one works best?

 Trust, comfort, and belonging, without emotional intelligence, are hollow words and empty commitments, and I spent much of my youth pretending to be happy because that was the only feeling considered acceptable and the only way to be accepted.  Okay, okay, because deep down, when you know you're only acceptable because you're hiding who you are, you know the truth is not acceptable. The fact that you're not safe, the fact that you don't belong, and pretend you are until you master it. And when it comes to emotions at work, they don't work. In fact, in the long run, the emotional labor of pretending to be happy at work can make us sick.

Minimizing our feelings by others, or simply looking on the bright side — or expecting us to underestimate ourselves, regardless of how we actually feel, is the toxic positivity that robs us of confidence.  It makes us feel guilt and shame when we need support. Toxic positivity does not create true optimism, but rather denial and distortion, preventing us from truly engaging and processing our situations.

Sadness, anger and confusion. If suppressing these feelings is worse than ineffective, the suppression can cause negative feelings to grow and worsen. the harder we try; We felt bad.

Many bosses have told us to "work after hours. But meeting that demand is often impossible due to many factors: long working hours, low wages, inadequate insurance, and loneliness outside work are all part of an unresolved cycle of pain.  Makes Things Worse Often, the work environment itself—whether it's hurt feelings from unethical decision-making, mistreating customers, or manipulating co-workers—is often the root cause of our suffering. 

But even for those with a relatively good work-life balance and the resources to adapt, the non-linear nature of emotion can cause disruption. Where sadness and pain appear inappropriately, in complete disregard of the times of our meetings and work commitments, and may manifest itself in the form of silent sadness or frozen sadness, loud sadness, crying, anger or fear; Intense sadness or confused sadness in the morning can cause a person to engage in excessive sadness, take over midday crying, and when you add in a little judgment, toxic positivity, or a malfunctioning air conditioner; You will get angry.

How to promote emotional inclusion at work?

We can't all be healers. Yes, we all have our problems, and there are many reasons why seeing other people's emotions can make us feel uncomfortable, but suppressing feelings is not the answer, and emotional intelligence is the answer. 

Emotional intelligence means normalizing emotional honesty and honest responses such as “How are you?” questions.

Emotional intelligence means observing the automatic reaction of saying the same old “everything will be fine” and asking instead how the other person would like support; Some may need space, others may need a listening ear, and you don't have to agree on everything to be a good listener; But you have to show  Some may want to hear that story from your life that you think is relevant, but be sure to bring it up first.

Emotional intelligence means not judging our feelings and validating our cultural and personal biases. People can be sensitive and professional, they can be emotionally charged and highly productive, they can be calm and observant, they can be angry and generous, they can also be genuinely positive and optimistic and don't hide anything; People are emotionally diverse.  If you feel like you're judging someone because they don't treat their feelings the same way, check in with yourself.

If you are designing talent management systems, emotional intelligence means making sure that cultural and power-based preferences for emotional expression are not built into high-stakes decision-making systems.  Some jobs really require a personality with specific emotional characteristics that can be a beta verified match.

In workplace design, emotional intelligence means creating spaces to process emotions; When private and soundproof workspaces are best, they are in any case better for our performance and well-being than open-plan offices.  Having an anger room or a cry room can help too, flexibility in when and where to work can make a difference, and getting confidential, meaningful help at the right time can make all the difference. 

Emotional intelligence means preventing work-related emotional distress, whether it is due to burnout or ignoring concerns about bullying. This means providing training and resources for emotional understanding and inclusion. It stands for systemic transparency and psychological integrity.

Certainly, there are behavioral manifestations of emotions that can be destructive, such as envy and jealousy at work, which have damaged many careers and lives. Allowing evil is different from emotional intelligence; But there are better ways to manage the behavior of a few people than asking everyone else to suppress their emotions. 

Belonging to a company is essential to our well-being, and emotional intelligence is a key component in supporting this sense of belonging.